Beagle: The New Toddler

Somehow, I have ended up with a toddler again, and this one is far worse than the previous two.
This one is far more persistent, and will stare at you expectantly/whine/thump her tail until you give in, get up and do whatever it is she wants.

She has become my constant shadow and will follow me around the house, yes doggedly, no matter where I go. If I'm in the kitchen, she wants to sprawl on the floor directly in front of the stove. Lately she has been banned from the kitchen while I am cooking lest I lose my mind completely. If I'm on the couch, she has to sit so she's mostly touching me, preferring especially to perch on the arm of the couch.
She is the most persistent creature I have ever known, and the biggest opportunist you will ever meet. I put her on a diet earlier in the spring because she (in typical Beagle fashion) had turned into a tub and I was calling her Lardo. (You can get away with that kind of un-PC behavior with a dog!) She has slimmed down again, but now when we walk, her already hyper nose is on high alert because "People! My owners are trying to starve me! So I will eat anything I can on the street, even if it makes me fart/puke/throw up on the rug/in my crate later." It's like she's on doggie uppers.

In our house, Troy is the alpha male, and the only one who holds true authority. When she was a puppy, there were times I shoved couches across the room to trap her and corral her. To get the kind of obedience Troy gets, I have to lower my voice into some sort of demon growl "Leeeeeexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Cooooooooooooooooooooooooome." It doesn't work so well most of the time.

Sometimes it's cute and cuddly, like when we snuggle and nap together. Until she blows lethal gas directly at me.

Seriously dog, when I'm trying to do stuff around the house, please, just go watch Lassie or something!

This mama just needs a break from the toddler. I swear I am going to resort to locking myself in the bathroom to get a few minutes of peace.
Please send chocolate now. And hallelujah, tomorrow is the end of Stage 1 of the South Beach Diet!

The end


madridmom said...

are those couch pictures from your old house? Looks like you have a patio outside. You're not on a ground floor where you are now are you? How are you surviving summer so far? We're in serious pretrip and pre-visitors mode.

Troy said...

that was hilarious, hon! Thoroughly enjoyed reading that post...


spain dad said...

Not to mention she has some leverage on all of us because she's just too cute!

She gets away with murder with that classic puppy-dog look.

Love ya Lex!

Olson Family said...

Love the story - at one time in my life I wondered if I would ever get to go to the bathroom by myself as the dog & kids always followed me in. I commented once before, you asked about blog link: swissfamilyolson.blogspot.com
Enjoy your vacation.