I know, I haven't written lately. Life has been pretty busy since we got back from Geneva, and I've also been having a lot of sinus headaches so haven't felt much like too much computer time. Part of the "gathering myself in" has also been trying to be realistic about what I expect from myself. My goal of blogging five days a week had a lot to do with trying to get back into writing and working on my craft. That's all fine and good. But I have been realizing that right now I don't want to be a "grown-up" writer. I don't want to have to work too hard at it. I tend to write from my heart when "inspiration" strikes. That's certainly no way to get published. That would mean serious time and effort devoted to writing. And I'm not in a place in my life right now where that can happen. I have too much on my plate to take that on as a major role right now. So I'm going to write when I have something to say and when I have the energy and when I have time.
While I was in Geneva I talked to my friend and mentor Elizabeth (I have basically asked her to be my spiritual director, but she's not "official" yet so don't report her! ;) ) about this theme of simplicity in my life. We had a conversation about trying to find a good rhythm in my life. I shared that it has always proved impossible for me to have "my quiet time" in the morning because my kids instinctively wake up if I get up early for any reason. I shared with her how Nicolas counts on having snuggle time with me in the morning. If he wakes up and I'm out of bed his day starts on an unhappy note. I was ruminating that it would be more realistic to have "my quiet time" later on when both kids are in school. Elizabeth spoke words of wisdom and grace to me about treating those snuggle moments with Nicolas as sacred moments at the beginning of a day that has worship woven into its very fabric. Last Wednesday I really concentrated on doing that. I had quite a bit on my to-do list, but as I went about my tasks I tried to stay connected to God. While I vacuumed the kids' bedrooms I prayed for their transition to a new school and new friends. While I exercised I thanked God that I have a healthy, whole body. You get the picture. And at the end of the day, I felt much more like I had spent the day in God's company than if I had set aside 30 minutes for "quiet time." Elizabeth and I talked about "being present in the moment" and that too is something that resonates in my scattered soul.
This doesn't necessarily come naturally; it's something that I have to be deliberate about. But I liked the result, and I'm going to keep at it.