I'm finding it a little hard to completely relax and disconnect. I'm so anxious to get back home. I'm still vaguely stressed about money...we still have a deficit and we did not raise very much monthly support. Raising support feels weird sometimes; it's hard not to tie your self-worth to it too much. You start feeling like you have to sell yourself to people, and when the money doesn't come in it feels like people aren't interested in buying.
On the 18th when we arrived back in Miami, both Troy and I were feeling really discouraged. Our flight was late, so it messed up our schedule for the home meeting we were having in Orlando later that day. The rental car ended up costing us more than $400 more than we thought because we don't have US insurance. We were both feeling so deflated. On our way on to the highway to drive north to Orlando, Troy and I had a quiet conversation about how we had always told God that when the funds dried up, we would take that as a sign that He wanted us to move onto something else. Maybe it's that time. But neither of us feels like it should be that time; we really don't want it to be that time.
So we drove north, fairly deflated, Meg piped up from one seat back. I can't remember exactly how she brought it up, but she basically quoted this to us out of the blue:
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."Troy and I looked at each other, a little flabbergasted. Sure, we were the ones that had her memorize that verse, but her little voice was God's whisper to our weary hearts.
So we long to be back in Spain. It's so ironic to me, because it took me a long time to love Spain and "be there 100%." During that time, we always had enough support. And now that I have a deep love for Spain and Madrid, the money is slim. To be honest, I don't know where the money will come from to take care of our deficit. I don't know how we are going to pay for school. I don't know how we will make it through the next year financially, let alone the whole 2 year term. And it's hard for me to really rest and trust.
But I will keep clinging to my Father's hand. And look forward to Spain with gladness.