So yesterday, we heard from the school "We find that we do have places for your 2 children at __ depending on our coordinator approving their work. If you would like to prepare some reports and send it to me I will pass them to her."
Officially I guess that's good news, but it didn't make me feel that way. It made me feel like I have to try and prove now that my kids are good enough to get into this school. I'm sure it's mainly a question of whether their English is good enough. And that's a reasonable thing for a British school to ask. But still, I don't like that feeling of having to measure up.
It really got under my skin, which made me wonder why that was. I started thinking last night about the dynamic of "being chosen". I'm not talking pre-destination here. Being chosen on a much more basic level.
I realized that even though I grew up in an affirming home and environment in general, I have a probably skewed aversion to being in positions where it's a matter of being chosen. Like for teams in p.e. class. Or being someone's friend. Or whatever. Why is that? And is it just me, or do we all struggle with that? Do the people that always get chosen for the team right away still feel that clenching in their stomach until they hear their name called?
How many times in our lives are we chosen? Obviously, my husband chose me. And friends choose me. But sometimes it's the daily choosing that can be the most heart-wrenching I think. Those are the ones that can get under your skin.
The thing that I think is the most comforting is knowing that not only did God make me, He also CHOOSES me. Every single day. And if He chooses me, the rest falls into line behind that.