I sit in my bed
Cocooned in the dark of the late hour
Small feverish boy restless beside me.
His hand on my arm feels paper dry,
Hot and light.
He murmurs his half-asleep thanks
As I change the damp washcloth on his head
To a cooler position.

A mother's heart cannot quite rest
When a child is sick.
She carries him closer
To keep watch.

My soul feels a little
Like this hot little hand on my arm.
A bit dried out around the edges,
Like a stiff breeze might blow me away.
Wrung out
Tired to the depths
Where only a whisper of light
Seeps in around the edges

There is something about having a sick kid that tends to tilt my world. It's not like I think that every fever means a fatal illness or anything like that. But when my babies are not well, my soul is just not at ease. When I went in to check on Nic before I went to get in bed for the night, he was hot and flushed. So I dosed him with Dalsy and brought him to my bed so I can reach him in the night and feel if he is hot again.

My soul has felt bruised today, the residue of me doing something hurtful without thinking. I am normally a thoughtful person and I found it extremely distasteful to discover this big brown smushy slightly rotten spot on my surface. All is mended but the lingering aftertaste of it has been sour in my mouth. So I sat in the dark and wrote my dehydrated poem.

Then I blog-surfed for awhile, periodically checking Nic to see if his fever had gone down. As I read the journeys of other people, I was reminded that I am not alone, that I am not the only one with slightly smushy spots on my self.

I keep vigil here over my flushed little boy, and God sprinkled me gently with His living water, enough to make me tilt my head back and drink what was already waiting there for me.

My soul feels plumper around the edges already.



Today was my day off, and since my hubby is not home, I sat around with Kelly most of the day and read. I read The Secret Life of Bees and really enjoyed it, although I am not sure about the author's view on spiritual things. That aside though, I was drawn into the story and I was sad when I found myself at the end of the book. It was a compelling story.

I have the emotional niggles today though, those things in the back of my emotions that keep me from relaxing much. They make me irritable and edgy.

Sigh. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.


Nerd Alert

Don't worry; it's not you, it's me. Because I am sitting in bed with my laptop having an im discussion with Kelly, who is downstairs in my living room. :) Whaaaaaaaaat? I was cold, it is past my bedtime and the dog was whining. So I came up to crawl into bed and I am going to shut down in about 2 minutes. But I had to see if Kelly could hear the annoying techno music someone is playing out behind our house. It's a long weekend, so the young uns are out in party force tonight even though it is pretty dang cold out there.

The moon is out, and it looks exactly like the end of a girl's fingernail when it's just sort of long and pretty and then gets torn off in an annoying sort of ripped way.

I am grateful that my hubby is in France with Patrick and Scott because he deserves this chance to rest, be encouraged and restored.

I had a great time with "my girls" tonight. I love seeing their artwork. Next week I'm going to take pictures. We decided that we are watching Christmas movies at our house on Sunday afternoon. And that we are going to watch It's A Wonderful Life no matter how much Troy lobbies for A Christmas Story.


Love is the new black

I never intended to use my blog as some sort of online diary, but I fear that is what is has turned into of late. Any deep thoughts (no Troy and Kelly, not THAT kind of deep thoughts) that may be rattling around in my groggy brain are just not coherent enough to come out at the moment. Hopefully we'll get past this stage though!

Got lots done today. We had a mentoring time with a friend this morning and then had staff meeting all afternoon. It was very productive; we got some work done on logos and colors for Oasis Madrid as well as getting things planned out for our vision meetings that we'll be having from January until June.

Troy didn't have Alpha tonight since it was a holiday today, so we were able to have some family time. That was important especially since Troy leaves for France tomorrow morning. We watched Valiant with the kids, which they enjoyed much more than Willy Wonka.

I've talked before about how much I am enjoying reading The Message translation of the Bible. I'll leave you with this, something that really struck me when we read it on Sunday:

Bit from Colossians 3 (all the bits are important, but these are the ones that really struck me!)
"So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ--that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life--even though invisible to spectators--is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up too--the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ...

And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death...doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God....

...You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it....

...So chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it."

You know how fashion is always talking about "the new black?" Well, apparently, the new black is love. I don't think even the world can argue with that!



I'm still thinking about the sevens, so that is going to have to wait a day or two.

I don't know what exactly it is about this fall, but I have never been so tired. Seriously. It's strange.

We watched the new Charlie & the Chocolate Factory tonight with the kids. I liked it; the kids, not so much. Meg is too tender-hearted, she weeps when the bad things happen to the nasty kids, even though they are indeed nasty. When I told her she didn't have to watch it again, she looked up at me with big eyes full of tears and quivering lips and quickly agreed that she was not going to. Poor little soul. Even though she knows that the children all come out again alive at the end; she doesn't like the process of what happens to them. And I am certainly not going to make her watch something she doesn't like. We're getting to the end of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and I am bummed that I won't be able to take her to see it as planned. It looks great but she'll be scared out of her wits so it will have to wait until she's older. I can't wait though!

I had no idea that with wireless I could also print and access files on other computers :) It's amazing. I am a happy girl. The basement office is also blissfully quiet now that the groaning HP (I have never heard such a loud computer!) is rarely on.

I am also supposed to be writing a newsletter tonight (the yearly printed one) so I better get to it. Think I'll go sit in the living room and hope the Christmas lights inspire me.


"God Night" at the Cadys

One of the girls in our church, Victoria, meets weekly with a group of her seeking friends to study the Bible. Recently they got into some topics that Toria felt a little out of her depth with, so she asked Troy to meet with her group. So tonight we invited them over for a "fireside" chat, some comfort food and at this time of year, Christmas decorations.

Troy and I are a really good team in this area. We love to open our home, and we've grown into a comfortable and rewarding hospitality posture (after outgrowing the "entertaining" stage.) Tonight I made a big pot of soup, Troy lit the fire, and our family welcomed Victoria and five of her friends into our home. Once the hospitality part is done, I disappear to put kids to bed and because I am not good at the cerebral part. I am much more a heart person, but I recognize that the questions these girls are asking are crucial. And Troy is really great at helping people understand this kind of stuff.

It has been a great day. We had our last Crosscurrent group meeting. This has been an amazing eight-week experience for me. Never have I been so eager to have an oily forehead! :) Each Sunday morning, the three other women in my group gave me a safe place to share myself. They prayed with me and over me, and they anointed me with oil. Every Sunday I weep, but they are good tears; healing tears. And I come home really hesitant to wash my face.

After our meeting we shared lunch that we all contributed to. Then we came home and took a nap before we got up to get ready for the girls to
come over. They came bearing bread to go with the soup, some home-made biscuits and a candy-cane for each of the kids. In return they got goodnight hugs from Nic.

It will be a quiet week around here, which I relish. The kids will only go to school tomorrow (it's one of those weeks where there are a bizarre number of holidays.) On Wednesday Troy is going to France for some much needed R&R with two great men who also serve with Christian Associates. I know that it is going to do him a world of good.

I'm going to get some work done as well as just spend some good time with the kids. I know they will be sad that Daddy is going to be out of town again, so we'll have to have some fun to make up for it.

My friend Mary (wife of one of the men Troy will be hanging out with) tagged me to do the "Sevens" so I guess I have to use my noggin and do that tomorrow :)