Emotions in the Cady house have been somewhat all over the place these past days. Last night there was an air of general dejection in the house because Troy/Daddy/Comedy Man was getting ready to leave for Morocco this morning. He had to lead his Alpha course last night in the city, so the kids had to say goodbye to him last night at 6:40. After he left, Meg stood in the kitchen and looked so dejected that I asked her if she wanted to get up and have breakfast with Daddy early.
She said "Yes, that would be special. I think that would make Daddy happy." So sweet Meaghan got out of bed this morning at 5:40 to spend 20 minutes eating breakfast with her beloved Daddy. When he left, she came and crawled in bed with me and we dozed with her arms wrapped around my neck and her cool cheek close against mine.
Our emotions have been somewhat all over the place. Most of the time we are excited and feel like we are on the brink of something. These words from Crowder's new album kind of sum it up for me a bit:
From Forever and Ever
"I think I'm on the brink of something large
Maybe like the breaking of a dawn
Or maybe like a match being lit
Or the sinking of a ship
Letting go gives a better grip"
This morning was full of rushing around. With Troy already gone, we had to move at warp speed to eat, get both kids dressed, go fill up the car with gas, drop Nic at school and then go on to Meg's school. Both kids were cooperative and we even had fun along the way.
After dropping kids at school, I met my friend Sarah for a walk. Meg's school is out by the mountains, and it was COLD. My ears and the inside of my nose were in pain. But it was a gorgeous day. All the clouds have blown away; the sky is a blue so crisp you think it could shatter. Sarah and I walk around a huge field that was gorgeously green today. And there was a bit of cloud spilling over the edge of one part of the mountain, like the space behind it had gotten full up and it had to seep over the edge. Glorious! It cleared out the cobwebs in my head, although not sure about my brain.
Glorious. Yet on the way home, I shed a few tears of grief for what we are leaving behind. It's hard, this letting go, even though it's been God's from the beginning. We're leaving a bit of ourselves behind.
See what I mean? Emotions all over the place.
I had lots of plans to have a spiritual retreat day today, to do some emotional and spiritual housecleaning in the silence of being alone in the house. I have to get Nic at 1, so I need to go make use of the time I have left.