Quiet Sunday Afternoon

It's cloudy and cool and looks like rain. The afternoon skies match my mood; not completely black but vaguely grim and heavy. It's sort of strange because we had a great church service this morning. Scott, our intern guy, continued our series on the Apostle's Creed with "The Rough Guide to the Holy Spirit." As he was describing Pentecost, he had planned this great scripture reading where people in Mountainview read through a passage of Scripture in different languages. Eight verses in eight different languages. Then a few more verses where each of those eight people continued to read in their own language but all at the same time. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced in a church service. It gave me chills. It's one of the coolest things about our church; that we really do have people who speak English, Spanish, Japanese, Finnish, German, Mandarin, French and Dutch. Way to go, Scott!

I was also on the worship team, which I love. Especially when I'm not leading and I get to sing harmony. It was our last time (barring special visits) being on Kelly Crull's band, since he and April are moving on to new adventures this summer. We sang our hearts out; six of Mountainview's/Kelly's favorites. We had a blast.

So I'm a little bemused about the heaviness in my heart right now.

Maybe it's because of all the people that will be leaving in the next couple of weeks. Some will be back; some not. All will leave a hole in our church and in my heart. Maybe it's that saying goodbye to people you love is no fun at all. It's one of the not cool things about our church; lots of people move home, or to someplace new.

Maybe it's because lately, more than feeling that I have blessed people, I have had the sense of being vaguely annoying and irritating. I've walked away from conversations or time spent with people thinking "Wow, I think I just really got on that person's nerves." You know that feeling? It's like you didn't do anything totally wrong or say something completely stupid, but the feeling remains that you just weren't very likeable.

Maybe it's just because it's been a busy week as usual; the one ahead doesn't look much calmer. And I guess a grizzly Sunday afternoon is a good a time as any to feel blue.

1 comment:

philxan said...

Hey Heather,

I know that feeling! What you describe, and your thoughts behind it, may be accurate. (Its kind of hard to know from the other side of the earth!)

This thought also occured to me: maybe it's not those things, but the enemy trying to get to you. I know when I've had a particularly "good" service that in the afternoon I can feel totally drained - physically and spiritually. Its like I've been on the frontline, and just need a rest. And when I'm not in the battle, you can wonder how well its going, and whether you've actually made any difference. I know that at that point I'm most vunerable to an attack on my mind.

Don't get discouraged. God is with you, and right there next to you. Love and blessings from one who knows the pain of moving away.